Ridiculously hot women...

...should not be allowed to roam the streets freely, making the rest of us look and feel bad.

Why can't they just confine themselves to the fantasy world of movies, magazines, reality shows or whatever, where you can have at least a little window for skeptism i.e. she's been photoshopped, it's a body double, ahh.. definitely plastic surgery!

But, when one of these women escape the fantasy world and wonder into your reality, it just makes you question all of god's fairness. See, why on earth was she created with such flawless skin, smooth as alabaster, when your own breaks out every month close to your period. Why does she get hair that is so long and thick and luscious when your own only grows to a certain length and then starts splitting at the end. To top it, you think you might be suffering from premature balding because everytime you wash your hair, the amount of hair that drops from your head after you've applied your conditioner is so not funny and ends up clogging your drain.

You've always thought you have pretty eyes. Received a nice compliment or two on them. But they're nothing compared to her middle-eastern, kohl-rimmed, cat eyed perfection. Her nose is small, straight and perfect whereas yours has a little bump on it because clumsy you ran straight into a tree when you were eleven when you thought a dog was chasing you.

Generally, you like your body. Never had much issues with it except maybe your boobs may be shrinking because the strapless bra that fit you just nice last month feels as though they're dropping off when you wear them now. But she. Oh my god she... has a body that is made for men to drool, salivate, slobber over. She's not the skinny, model-ly type. Instead she has an impeccable ass that seems to defy gravity, boobs which are big and perky enough to fill out a tube dress without looking as though they require a bra to help hold them up and then tops that with a ridiculously tiny waist.

Your wardrobe is a decent mix of work and party clothes which you like but nothing jaw dropping, nothing that would make a man stop and stare on the street. Your clothes make you feel comfortable and look nice enough to maybe fetch an admiring glance or two. Her's on the other hand is downright show-stopping, doesn't seem to matter whether she's just hanging out with her friends on what looks like a casual saturday or hitting the club. And she wears them with this fiesty arrogance that screams 'I know I'm hot. And I know you bloody well think so too!'.

Aah. Its disgusting how insecure and jealous she makes you feel. But you can't help it, especially since you find out the guy you went on this really nice date with, whom you actually liked, is now dating her instead. So, you do the only thing you can do to make yourself feel a little better...

...you console yourself by telling yourself she probably is stupid, has bad English and he is only dating her for her looks!

'Just' a fuck buddy?

Having just started my new job, I've had little time to date and also blog about it. But I'm slowly settling in, and hopefully will start having more time in my hands.

A quick update nevertheless.

I met up with Mr P a couple of times in the last few weeks. (Note:Mr.P is a photographer I met a long while back, who has a tendency to waltz in and out of my life pretty randomly and unpredictably. Having not developed any attachment to him because of this, I have been okay at keeping everything casual.)

My resolution to keep him only as a 'fuck buddy' however, just got disrupted this morning by me adding him on FB....um....again. I'd deleted him some time back when I thought I was getting overly involved emotionally (and he was not) and I didn't want any updates on his life which might affect me in any way. But having moved passed all that, on impulse yesterday, I requested his friendship again with this message...

"hey. looked you up on FB. again. deleted you before during a childish fit (probably cause you didn't reply a message or something). but i've grown up since ;)"

He's added me already. In the mean time, I got a text from him at 2am this morning...

"Happy birthday. Hope you're not getting laid without me. I didn't realise you deleted me on FB. I'm hurt."

My first thought though was.. damnit. The idiot didn't even realise I'd not been on his FB! And my birthday was bloody weeks ago..!

Controlling my urge to scold him about it, I said instead..."lol. you wished me last week when you met me drunkard. and no i didn't get laid without you. please don't be hurt :p"

Right. So having said that, there were just two things left for me to do...

1) Inspect all his photos which he has been tagged AND his albums.... check!

2) Stalk his wall posts.......and check!!

After all the stalking, I have come to admit, he is an amazing photographer. And trust me to develop a crush on someone over something like that.


Damn. So much for just fuck buddy.

Old. But oh so not wise...

I turn thirty-one tomorrow. *Gasp* *Groan*

Having touched the Big three-O last year and having thrown a big, huge party for that one, this year, in contrast, is going to be pretty low key.

A quick stock take:

On relationships...

...No husband in the horizon. But fuck that. I can't seem to meet anyone interesting enough to get me even remotely excited to meet on a second date. Why is that I wonder. Either I'm being very picky. Or I'm emotionally unavailable. Or there just aren't any decent men (qualification: within proximity) out there anymore. Or they are married. Gay. Yes, yes, the same old cliche.

...Apparently, I can handle a fuck-buddy relationship. I met Mr.P last weekend for a booty call of sorts. It has been a (long) while. I was horny. He was available. We met on the pretext of catching the World Cup at a bar. Adjourned to my place for the next game, which of course we ended up not really watching. All I can say is, the sex was incredible. I was left sated, satisfied and with absolutely no intention of calling him or expectation of him calling me after.

...4 years ago, I thought I was ready to settle down with my now ex, A. Then came Mr. Stupid. Who pretty much turned my world upside down. And based on recent developments, I have strong suspicion he may not be dating Ms Gab-A-Lot anymore. Which has, of course, made me indulge in some very stupid wishful thinking on my part. Anyway, moving on..

On life in general...

...I'm in a good place career wise. In fact, I start my new job next week. It is going to be challenging and pretty different from what I'm used to, but it's going to be a good challenge I believe. I've done good here.

...I am not spending enough time with family, especially my parents and I should. No one is getting any younger.

...friends are great, as always. Not sure what I'd do without them. Love you guys.

...blogging has given me a kind of escape which is very gratifying. I always feel a little lighter after I've spilled out whatever is on my mind into words. And reading other bloggers going through similar issues, though worlds apart, literally, sort of makes me feel better too.

What I need to do more of...

...exercise.

...make time for holidays.

...oh and have more incredible, satisfying sex hopefully ;)

So yeah, happy birthday to me. Woo hoo.

Should a guy pay...

...on a first date?

I’ve been asking myself this since I went on a date with another guy from Match.com. I really liked his profile and he had a nice smile (yes, yes I'm a sucker for a cute smile). I’ll call him… Mr. Maybe.

When we exchanged numbers, he called almost immediately. The first time we spoke for about 15 minutes. The next day he called again and we spoke for an hour and half – which was not usual for me. But he was able to converse on a variety of subjects, he was funny and he kinda 'got' me. I was pleasantly surprised. He didn’t ask me out right away which was good – not desperate I thought. And when he did finally ask me out 2 days later, it was very casual and I agreed immediately.

The date itself wasn’t too bad... so much as first dates go. The chemistry wasn’t fantastic but it was enjoyable in a light-hearted kind of way.

He was 25 minutes late, but very apologetic about it. Apparently he had to work at the last minute. There was a que at the restaurant we went to and the only available section was the smoking side so we sat there, next to the bar. He lit a cigarette as soon as we sat but not before asking ‘do you mind’? I didn’t know how to say ‘yes, I do mind’ so instead I smiled and shook my head.

We ordered drinks. And chatted a bit about our travelling adventures. Well, his travelling adventures mostly. He asked me if I’d been to the US…I said no. He then ventured to tell me what a great place it was and gave me a very detailed account of one of his camping trips where he’d almost encountered a bear. The bear story continued for quite a bit, but it was alright..like I said, he was amusing enough. But I couldn’t help thinking that perhaps if he stopped talking for a bit and asked a little more questions, he’d find that I’ve been to some pretty cool places too. Only he didn’t.

We talked some more trivial stuff. Ordered our food. Exchanged jokes. Drank some more. It was 10.30pm, about 2 and a half hours into our date when my phone buzzed. I was supposed to meet some friends for drinks after. I was told that if the date went well, I should bring him along. After a tiny mental battle whether I should or should not, I decided to ask him. I wasn’t having too bad a date and it might be a good time to see if he was cool to hang out with at a club. But he said he couldn’t - apparently needing to take his parents to church early the next morning. I teased him about being a mummy’s boy. He laughed it off saying no, he isn’t... normally.

Then the weirdest thing happened. The bill came. Out of habit, I pulled my wallet out and took out a couple of notes. Usually (in fact, on all of my previous first dates) what happens next is the guy will tell me to put my wallet away and pay. And I allow it because really, as strange is this sounds, I like it when a man takes charge at the end of a date by footing the bill. It isn’t about the money. It is about being a gentleman… and knowing how to treat a lady. Same as opening the door for her or pulling out the chair for her. And no, I don’t expect the guy to foot all the bills for all our dates.. just the first ones, especially when it is the guy who asks me out. If ever we did go out on a second date, I’d insist on paying. If he didn’t let me, then there are things to consider like perhaps he's a chauvinist, which is a whole other can of worms and a topic for another day.

Anyway, what happened here, is that when I took my wallet out, he took the money I offered, added a couple of notes of his own to it and paid the waiter. When the change came, we split the change in half. I was left thinking, that maybe this wasn’t a romantic date after all.. perhaps he just wants to be friends?

After that he walked me to my car. When we reached the car, he turned to me, looked me in the eye, leaned forward and gave me a hug which lingered slightly longer than a 'just friends' hug should. Then he said that he would really, really like to see me again. Hmmm. Definitely more than friends vibe now. It was pretty confusing.

When I reached the club, I threw the question to all the guys who were at my table.. ‘when you take a girl out on a first date.. do you pay for the date?’. Every one of them gave a very emphatic and resounding ‘YES!’.

So, here are my musings...

Should the guy foot the bill on first dates?

And the big question - should I give Mr. Maybe another chance? (He's asked me out already... I'm stalling)

And the men get bitchy...

I have been ignoring calls and texts from Mr. Cricket and Mr.Texter, both of whom I met on Match.com.

Cricket
Cricket and I went on one date which lasted over one margarita before I excused myself to go home to have dinner… alone. He wanted to meet me the next day but I told him I couldn’t.. making up a really far fetched excuse about having to bathe my aunts dogs. He messaged me the following day ‘So, forgotten about me already? ;)’. I didn’t reply. And I never realised how lame and needy that line sounded, even as a joke - I've used it before on Mr.P, when I hadn't heard from him as soon as I wanted..and this after sleeping with him. Damnit.

Anyway, Cricket called me that night… I just didn’t feel like answering and I didn't. Two days later he messaged asking if something was wrong. I guess I could have told him I wasn’t interested (though I felt I’d given him enough hints.. I mean seriously how thick can you be?). But I wasn’t in the mood to go into discussions of 'whys' and 'why nots', so I told him ‘I’m kinda going through some personal stuff right now. Can’t deal with anything else. I’ll call you.’ Which wasn’t exactly a lie. I had an uncle in the hospital and I was busy chauffeuring my aunts and relatives around. But mostly I was putting off dealing with him, hoping that he’d get it finally when I don’t call him again...ever.

Texter
Texter and I never even got to our first date because his messages were so random and weird and difficult to understand that I just stopped replying. His last message to me despite the fact that I’d ignored 5 of his previous texts… ‘gd mrng gorgeous. hp u hv a wonderful dy..otw 2 wrk?’. I wasn’t even out of bed yet when my phone beeped with this message. It annoyed the hell out of me. I have no clue what runs through someone's mind when they send texts like these..

Anyway, thanks to these two, I hadn’t logged on to Match for a while.. until last weekend.

Apparently, my sessions on Match have been tracked. Both Cricket and Texter who remained mostly silent as long as I wasn’t logged on to Match, once they realized I was still on it, responded in ways I never thought men ever would…

The first was an email from Cricket…

“Guess I won't be hearing from you again. I had already expected it but it would have been nice if you had at least been honest with me.”

Huh???

Dude, we’ve only been on one date…what’s with the drama?

And then, as I was still trying to wrap my head around that email…I realised Texter had deleted me from his Facebook account.


Well, I guess I deserved that.

Sex

Sex was never a comfortable subject at home when I was growing up. And that’s putting it mildly. When I was 9, I’d just purchased a bookmark from a bookstore and on it was a word I had never seen before - SEX.

So I asked my mum just as we were about to get in the car ‘What is sex?’.

She gave me a horrified look, choked on the drink she was sipping, then demanded angrily where I’d heard the word. Startled by her reaction, I showed her the bookmark I’d purchased and saw her expression change from angry to something inexplicable.. embarrassed? The word ‘Sex’ on the bookmark came below ‘Name’ and ‘Age’. She mumbled something like ‘Oh that just means you write whether you’re male or female’. Slightly hurt that she got angry with me over that, I was silent the whole way home. Her reaction also made me curious. So I remember digging up the dictionary as soon as I got back.

When I was 9, the internet did not exist. I believe, I would have gotten very different answers from google than I did from the dictionary when I looked up the word. It did not tell me anything. My friends at school, and I come from an all girls school, were as clueless as me.

I read my first Mills and Boons novel when I was fourteen. Halfway through the book, I had to stop and look up words such as ‘nipple’ and ‘suckle’ and ‘manhood’ and ‘engorged’. I watched my 1st porno movie at a friends place when I was sixteen. She had stolen it from her brothers porn stash and invited us all over to watch it together after school. We giggled as we watched the actors slowly get naked and start kissing each other…everywhere. I, however, was horrified at the sight of a man spreading a womans leg and licking her there. I didn’t know people did that! But in the end, we agreed it was all very educational.

By now, I knew what sex was, no thanks to my parents or school. Porn tapes and romance novels fed everything I knew about sex at seventeen. It was also the year I shared my first kiss with a guy who was four years older than me, a bad boy of sorts whom I had a big thing for at the time. It was at the last row of a cinema and I gasped when he reached for my breast. He wanted to go further, but I was too anxious and pushed him away. We might have continued as he was pretty persistent in his kissing and his groping, only the movie ended. I never met him again. 


First times anyone? ;)

Date # 2...not!

Date Number Two from Match.com was supposed to be with a guy I’m going to call Mr. Texter. He had a decent profile picture, a cute smile and was nicely skinny. He seemed normal enough in his profile and we had almost identical matches.

But the date never happened. And here’s why…

Mr. Texter and I exchange a couple of emails before I pass him my number. The 1st text I receive,

‘hy gorgeous, tx 4 passin me ya no. hv a nc day’

I’m put off with his texting style. But decide to give him a chance. So I reply him ‘Sure. And thanks, you too’

That night he texts me again asking me if I was free to talk. I don’t see the text till very late and don’t bother replying till the next morning. I say ‘Hey, good morning. Sorry, but I fell asleep pretty early last night.’

I get this reply ‘gd mrng princess. na wriez. conv 2 talk nw?’

Firstly, why on earth was he calling me princess? And, what the hell was ‘na wriez’??

After I took a moment to decipher this, I realize he meant ‘no worries’. Despite the sirens going off in my head, I replied ‘Hey, I’m at work now. Best if you call me after work, say after 7pm?’

He says OK. I just said a silent prayer that he spoke better than he typed and soon was too consumed with work to think about him.

About lunch time, I get a text from him saying ‘hy gal, hws ya dy so far? al gd I hope. js hd lunch. hd urs? ’

Now. Why did he need to know that? We haven’t had a proper conversation so far and he’s asking me about my lunch? I don’t reply.

Anyway, that’s not the worst of it.

Since I’d told him to call me after 7, I was expecting him to just pick up the phone and call. But no, I get another text from him at 10.40pm ‘hy gal, hw ya doin? al gd? conv 2 talk nw?’

I stare at the text. Why was he doing this to me?

Irritated but also curious whether he'd finally call me I replied at 10.48pm, ‘Sure’.

I wait for the phone to ring. It doesn’t.

I get this text from him at 11.10pm... ‘hy gal, u aslp? conv 2 talk nw?’


I am really starting to have second thoughts about this whole internet dating thing….

Am I finally growing up?

I miss him. And I wonder why I do. So much time has passed and so much has happened between us. Surely I should haved moved on?

It started one night, 4 years ago, when he offered to send me back after a night of drunken debauchery. And I let him. I was in a jubilant state, having just passed one of the most difficult exams in my field and he just so happened to be there to celebrate with me. He was a perfect gentleman, who dropped me home and left without so much as say or try anything funny. I felt safe with him.. and it marked the beginning (and set the pattern) of our little liaison.

We both seemed to be carved out of the same tree... with a common desire to party till we dropped, always on the lookout for the next club to hit as the night was always still young and after which we’d head out to each others place so we could enjoy some quiet drinks with each other after.

It was all very platonic. He was always the perfect gentlemen, never one to misbehave when drunk. Plus, I had a boyfriend at the time. A non-present boyfriend as it was a long distance relationship. Which I guess was the perfect recipe for disaster as I chose this guy to have a good time with considering my boyfriend was never around. Cheating you say? Of course not. I wasn’t doing anything other than just party with him after which he’d drop me home safe. (Ha!)

I called him my party-man.
Soon, party-man started asking me to hang out with him more and more. From parties, it became drinks after work, then dinners and drinks, then hanging out with his buddies, then came the movies and the shopping escapades. I helped pick out the furniture for his new apartment. I was supposed to help him pick out the curtains and also the pictures to adorn his wall. But our drama started soon after, so right now 3 years later, his place is still without curtains or pictures. Trust a man to procrastinate these things.

I initiated our first kiss. Drunk.
I had decided I was breaking up with my boyfriend because I was obviously starting to like my party-man. So one night, after our usual partying circuit, I ended up in his place and was planning to stay the night being in no condition to drive back. I was in his room about to change my clothes when he walked in to see if I was okay. I don’t remember the exact sequence of events considering how intoxicated I was, but he was seated on the bed…I think I had pushed him there. And I sat on top of him and kissed him. It didn’t go further than kissing. We slept in each others arms that night.

And then, he initiated our first kiss. Sober.

The next day, I was lying in his arms, pretending to watch tv but really, I was very conscious of his constant glances at me and the movements of his fingers up and down my arms. My heart was beating like a drum and I was pretty sure he could hear it. Not entirely sure of his intentions, I turned to face him. We gazed into each others eyes for a moment, then his lips slowly descended onto mine.

It wasn’t the best of kisses. Nor was it the worst. It was somewhere in between. Slightly awkward as it was definitely new territory but thrilling at the same time. He wasn’t very pushy with his tongue, which was a first for me because all the guys I’d kissed before loved shoving their tongue into my mouth. Him… he was milder, but not in a bad way. I liked the way he drew my tongue into his mouth and let me explore. It made me feel bold.

Weird how I remember these details.

Our relationship soon after became a haze of dinners, nights out in town and make out sessions back in his place. At some point we slept with each other. Soon, I started spending my entire weekends with him and sometimes, he even dropped me to work on Mondays. We loved each others company and spoke to each other almost everyday. I was travelling a lot then, so when I was absent in some foreign country or other, we’d still keep in touch over the phone, texting or calling. And when I got back, we’d celebrate by going out and getting smashed.

I loved it.

But I also hated it. Because we were doing everything a couple would do, but we weren’t officially a couple. I tried talking to him but all I got was vague responses. It pissed me off.

I would have played my cards very differently if only I was less absorbed in my emotions of feeling wronged and took a little more responsibility for my own actions. I would have played it differently if only I had a little more self-control and didn’t always give in to my whims and need for instantaneous gratification. I would have played my cards very differently if only I had known what I stood to loose.

About 3 months into us doing this dance, I gave him my ultimatum. But everytime something happened or we met each other by chance or at a party, or he called, I’d go back on my resolution to not give in to him. I was weak. Granted, so was he. But I had more to loose than him as I wanted us to be a couple, whereas he wasn’t so sure. In fact, by being so weak, I was actually pushing him in the opposite direction of where I wanted him to go.

I didn’t see this then. I see it now.

Today, we remain friends despite having been through all this drama. Our friendship I have to admit has a lot of undercurrents and sexual tension along with it. Chemistry crackles, conversation flows and time flies when we’re in each others presence without either of us realising it. And we still make each other laugh. I feel there are some unopened doors still left between us. Whether or not we’re going to venture to open them, I really don’t know.

Pretty recently, he’d just started going on dates with someone new. He’s not one to rush into things and is generally cautious (the trait that drove me nuts) so I’m guessing, hoping rather, its not serious yet. Still the thought of him with another woman…well... kinda breaks my heart.

I’m backing off though. It’s going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But he deserves a chance of finding out what is it that he truly wants.

Date # 1

After subscribing to Match.com, I had two dates planned over the weekend but one got rescheduled to this Thursday. So this is the story of how my date numero uno went with... (introducing) Mr. Cricket.


A good start...
Mr. Cricket sends me a message that is funny enough to make me respond although he isn't that much of a looker in his photos. He’s 39 and supposedly fit so hey, what the hell I thought. Fast forward a few emails, he gives me his number and says 'call me or message me if you're brave enough'. Before I can respond, he sends me this email...

'By the way...if you prefer that I call you, please give me your number and let me make the 1st move. After thinking about it, I thought that it was unfair of me to expect you to call when I really should be the one to call you. Until then, take care and have a great week ahead Miss Angry.'

Not bad I think, so I text him and we set the time and date for our little date. He doesn't mind meeting for lunch, coffee or dinner and asks me to choose. I pick coffee (duh!).

I get lazy…
I'd nothing much to do on Saturday, so I pop in a dvd and start on some housework. Before long, I abandon all attempts to clean my apartment and sit glued in front of the TV because the dvd I popped was Spartacus - Blood and Sand, a glorious galore of gorgeous men with the most beautiful bodies and as little cloth to cover it as possible.

So when the time comes for me to get ready for the date, I'm actually reluctant to switch off the dvd player. I start coming up with excuses to cancel in my head…then catch myself and scold myself into getting ready.

The descent…
I arrive on time for the date. Its really hot outside, so I'd chosen to wear a yellow, sleeveless, floral top paired with capri pants and sandals. I wait under some shade in front of Starbucks and check the time. He's eight minutes late. Slightly annoyed, I start typing him a text when my phone rings. Its him. I tell him I'm at Starbucks and he says he’ll meet me there. I wait and soon I see a guy walking purposefully toward me.

The first thing that strikes me as he reaches me: he's dressed all wrong. At temperatures of 36 degrees no less, he's wearing something that looks like a cross between a sweater and a long sleeve shirt tucked into jeans. Uh-oh.

He shakes my hand. Its sweaty and sticky. I notice he looks rounder than his profile pictures. Also, he's bald and I can see the sweat glistening on his shiny, bald head. I'm glad he doesn't move to hug me.

It gets worse…
I decide I need some alcohol to get through this although its only 5pm on a Saturday. So, we go to this little air-conditioned bar and I order margaritas and he has himself a long island iced tea.

I notice he is staring at me a lot. And I think I may have snot in my nose or something. I self-consciously look away and wonder if I should dash to the washroom to check.

Then he says ‘You’re gorgeous. Just like in your pictures’.

‘Why, thank you’ I say. But I really can’t bring myself to return the compliment because honestly, he looked better in the pictures.

The drinks come, and we talk about each others work, always a great conversation starter and I can see he loves what he does for a living as he delves into the details. I’m spacing out when we switch to family and some general stuff like what we love doing in our past time. He talks about cricket with a passion and tells me how he loves the game. I can’t relate. But you can see why he got the name.

Finally, the deal breaker…
I generally don’t talk about exes or past loves on a first date (even on 2nd or 3rds) because seriously, its just bad dating etiquette. Vague remarks or funny one-liners are okay but nothing more than that. But this guy, wow, this guy had no qualms telling me all about his love history starting from the first girl he dated whom his parents did not want to let him marry, to the girl he finally married. And subsequently divorced. And how he was so bitter and angry after the divorce. And how he met this girl from China soon after the divorce and he dated her for 6 months although the girl did not speak any English and he did not speak any Chinese.

I'm like what the fuck?

So, I ask him how he managed 6 months with someone without any verbal communication? He says with a glint in his eye, that they communicated physically and then adds… also with their hands.

Okay. Gross.

He probably catches the look of disbelieve (or disgust) on my face and moves to back track. Saying that she was really wonderful and that she really knew how to treat a man. Cook for him and clean for him. In fact, after a long days work when he came to pick her up, she would give him gentle massages in the car, rubbing his shoulders and ahem certain other parts. I don't ask for details.

The poor man doesn’t realize he's making it worse with every additional sentence he continues talking about this relationship. When I, as casually as I can, ask him, why they broke up?

His response... ‘I wasn’t ready for a commitment…’

I look at him incredulously. That was the reason? Not the fact that they could not talk to each other?

I keep all thought to myself and just smile at him.

Seriously, I think he’s free to enjoy whatever relationship he wishes. BUT my mind had shut off at this point from this date…AND worse was drifting back to Spartacus. I’d rather (in fact couldn’t wait to) get back and watch my TV show than sit with this guy and talk somemore.

The End…
I make a move to leave after our first (and only) drink finishes. He actually looks disappointed and says he was hoping this would turn to dinner. I politely decline. When I get home I receive this text from him…

‘Hi Miss Angry, tat was one of the nicest dates I hav been on. I like that u can meet my gaze ;)’


Sigh. Really?

I finally succumbed...

...to internet dating.

After some consideration and given the current state of my love life or rather lack of it, I decided to subscribe to Match.com two days ago. And I must say I have been pleasantly surprised.

In the last 48 hours, my profile has apparently been viewed 149 times and I have received 11 emails and countless winks including a wink from a 90 year-old man.

I was curious about the 90 year-old so I viewed his profile and I noticed he had put up around 10 pictures and had a very long write-up about himself and what he was looking for. He stressed on how fit he was and how he exercised regularly. His profile seemed so eager and hopeful that it struck a cord in me. Here is a guy at 90 who is still out there looking for love like the rest of us.

Then I thought, it bloody doesn’t get easier does it?

Dear god, if that was me at 90, I’d want to kill myself. I’d probably want to kill myself if that was me at 40.

Depressed suddenly, I decided to read through all the emails I’d received. Out of the 11, 3 looked promising. Their pictures were alright and the emails funny. So, I replied to all 3 and now I have 2 dates set for this weekend. Which isn’t bad I guess (?)

Then I went to check out the guys who had viewed me. As I perused through the pages, I saw one guy who looked familiar. I clicked on his profile and realized he was a guy I’d been on a date with a while back, whom I thought was incredibly cute but who hadn’t made a move to ask me out after the date. Since I had found him oh-so-cute, I asked him out instead, to which he politely declined claiming some work commitments. So I wrote him off thinking he wasn’t interested. Later my friend who had set us up told me he had met another girl very soon after he went on that date with me and they had hooked up almost immediately.

So, what then was he doing here? And he’d been active in the last 24 hours!

Remembering how cute I’d found him, I asked my friend of his status but she didn’t know. I did the next thing I could think of. I stalked him on FB. His relationship status was back to single (yes, yes I stalked him before too) and the pictures of him tagged with the girl he’d been seeing had been removed. So, was he single again?

Saying a silent whoppee I decided to message him on FB and not on Match though perhaps I should have done it the other way around…

My message to him (when it seemed like a good idea) said…

“Hey. Didn't we meet once through that thing that Miss S set-up a while back? I can't remember when but I know we met at Chilis. Anyway, you popped up in the people you may know thingy and I thought you looked familiar, decided to say hi. So hows life and the dating going? ;)”

He hasn’t replied.

Crap.

I actually wish now I hadn’t sent the message at all. Why did I message him so impulsively without thinking it through? I’m pretty sure now he knows that I’ve viewed him on Match AND that I’ve stalked him on FB (no matter how blasé I tried to make my message sound). Nobody wants a stalker....!

Okay, so tell me what you think… how lame was it of me to message him that way? And should I even be expecting a response?

Sweep me off my feet already...!

I'm a romantic, still waiting for my knight in shining armour to sweep me off my feet.

In this day and age, I'm still expecting to be swept off my feet.

Here I am, a woman of 30, a professional in the corporate world, someone who makes presentations to the chairman of boards of multinationals and listed companies, who is about to be earning a five-figure salary in a couple of weeks when I start this new job.... wanting, really, really wanting to be swept off her feet.

Am I at the end of the day just a needy, romance novel heroine wannabe, wanting to be saved by the tall, dark and handsome stranger who finds me at my most vulnerable and thinks me endearing enough to fall in love with?

And then, of course, he has to sweep me off my feet.

I'm an idiot.. and he's stupid (part 2)

He kissed me that night.

And two days later he bailed on meeting me for dinner saying he had other plans he had forgotten about.

When I texted him saying ‘That’s too bad. Was looking forward to it’ his reply was ‘It would have been a great idea if things weren’t getting so complicated. Another time.’

Angry, I texted back ‘If that’s how you feel there won’t be another time. I’ll be out of your hair to make it all less complicated’.

Knowing how he avoided me like the plague when I get angry, I did not expect a response. So I was surprised when 4 minutes later, I got a long text from him saying ‘Think we have some issues. Cause we just can’t be doing this all the time and we have to move on somehow. Just like you, I have to sort my stuff out and since I can’t speak to you about it I am in a bit of a pickle. So, lets take a step back and see how to sort this out.’

It took me 3 hours to reply. I’d waited till I’d gotten my girlfriend Miss X’s input on this. We tried coming up with an appropriate response over some margaritas. After dissecting the text to pieces, we decided the best way to go would be a short and succinct text that did not show him I’d been affected by what he had said.

So my reply ‘I guess you’re right. Sorry to put you in a pickle’.

I didn’t hear from him for over a week until he called 2 nights ago. He asked me how things were and when I was starting my new job. We chatted a short bit on that. Then I asked him why he called.

His reply… ‘Simply’.


What. The. Fuck.