'Just' a fuck buddy?

Having just started my new job, I've had little time to date and also blog about it. But I'm slowly settling in, and hopefully will start having more time in my hands.

A quick update nevertheless.

I met up with Mr P a couple of times in the last few weeks. (Note:Mr.P is a photographer I met a long while back, who has a tendency to waltz in and out of my life pretty randomly and unpredictably. Having not developed any attachment to him because of this, I have been okay at keeping everything casual.)

My resolution to keep him only as a 'fuck buddy' however, just got disrupted this morning by me adding him on FB....um....again. I'd deleted him some time back when I thought I was getting overly involved emotionally (and he was not) and I didn't want any updates on his life which might affect me in any way. But having moved passed all that, on impulse yesterday, I requested his friendship again with this message...

"hey. looked you up on FB. again. deleted you before during a childish fit (probably cause you didn't reply a message or something). but i've grown up since ;)"

He's added me already. In the mean time, I got a text from him at 2am this morning...

"Happy birthday. Hope you're not getting laid without me. I didn't realise you deleted me on FB. I'm hurt."

My first thought though was.. damnit. The idiot didn't even realise I'd not been on his FB! And my birthday was bloody weeks ago..!

Controlling my urge to scold him about it, I said instead..."lol. you wished me last week when you met me drunkard. and no i didn't get laid without you. please don't be hurt :p"

Right. So having said that, there were just two things left for me to do...

1) Inspect all his photos which he has been tagged AND his albums.... check!

2) Stalk his wall posts.......and check!!

After all the stalking, I have come to admit, he is an amazing photographer. And trust me to develop a crush on someone over something like that.


Damn. So much for just fuck buddy.

Beers and mojito

R, a close male friend of mine of many years sent me a text around 11pm yesterday asking me what I was doing. My friendship with R is pretty strange. Mostly, he's someone I can talk to, share things with, get a guy's input on matters which are beyond my female comprehension. I wanted to maintain things to be platonic, but since I've already established I'm bad at that, we've crossed that line (kissing only though) once or twice, okay, maybe three times, all thanks to him and alcohol. Things get weird for a while, then we pick up and pretend it never happened and all is good. Plus, he has a girlfriend. But their relationship is even weirder, I'm not going to get into that today. Not enough time..I'm at the airport - I've got fifteen minutes to try trash this out.

Anyway, after he sent me the text, I called him cause I wanted to ask him what he thought about my on again, off again, on again relationship with Mr. P.

R knows that I suck at the whole friend's with benefits deal and was skeptical when I mentioned I was giving it a shot with Mr. P. But he listened anyway. So I told him about how I overdosed with Mr P two weeks ago, and how he asked me to meet his friends and I did. And how we took his dog out for walks at night holding hands and stopping to kiss at corners. How we just sat and talked in the German bar, me sipping a mojito and him having beer.

As I was telling him all this, I knew at the back of my head what R was going to say already. And he did.. "get out while you still have your heart intact".

But, that's the thing, I said. I don't really have to worry about my heart. After all that two weeks ago, I haven't heard from him since. His dissapearing acts are exactly whats keep me from falling for this guy. So maybe, maybe this could actually work?

R's response.."you're so fucking delusional!"

Who am I kidding

I’ve never been able to handle a no strings attached relationship. Friend with benefits, fuck buddies, whatever, I’ve tried them but my emotions get in the way. Almost always. Even when I try to keep it casual, if there’s sex, and if it’s just sex, I just can’t handle it.

The other things I’ve not been able to handle is strictly platonic relationship with guys that I’m really close with or end up getting close to. I’m not talking casual friends you hang out having a beer with once week. I’m talking about the guy that at some point in your life you start depending on for boy advise, for a shoulder to cry on or for getting you home safe after a night of drunken clubbing. He is not your boyfriend (for whatever reasons), but the one you’d call if you got into any car trouble or any trouble at all really.

So, despite knowing all this, I find myself trying to manage a no strings attached, friend with benefit, fuck buddy kinda relationship with Mr. P…..

and against my better judgment, I’ve recently rekindled a kind of tentative friendship with Mr Stupid, someone I’ve failed appallingly at maintaining a strictly platonic relationship with so many, many times before.

Ah well.