Sex

Sex was never a comfortable subject at home when I was growing up. And that’s putting it mildly. When I was 9, I’d just purchased a bookmark from a bookstore and on it was a word I had never seen before - SEX.

So I asked my mum just as we were about to get in the car ‘What is sex?’.

She gave me a horrified look, choked on the drink she was sipping, then demanded angrily where I’d heard the word. Startled by her reaction, I showed her the bookmark I’d purchased and saw her expression change from angry to something inexplicable.. embarrassed? The word ‘Sex’ on the bookmark came below ‘Name’ and ‘Age’. She mumbled something like ‘Oh that just means you write whether you’re male or female’. Slightly hurt that she got angry with me over that, I was silent the whole way home. Her reaction also made me curious. So I remember digging up the dictionary as soon as I got back.

When I was 9, the internet did not exist. I believe, I would have gotten very different answers from google than I did from the dictionary when I looked up the word. It did not tell me anything. My friends at school, and I come from an all girls school, were as clueless as me.

I read my first Mills and Boons novel when I was fourteen. Halfway through the book, I had to stop and look up words such as ‘nipple’ and ‘suckle’ and ‘manhood’ and ‘engorged’. I watched my 1st porno movie at a friends place when I was sixteen. She had stolen it from her brothers porn stash and invited us all over to watch it together after school. We giggled as we watched the actors slowly get naked and start kissing each other…everywhere. I, however, was horrified at the sight of a man spreading a womans leg and licking her there. I didn’t know people did that! But in the end, we agreed it was all very educational.

By now, I knew what sex was, no thanks to my parents or school. Porn tapes and romance novels fed everything I knew about sex at seventeen. It was also the year I shared my first kiss with a guy who was four years older than me, a bad boy of sorts whom I had a big thing for at the time. It was at the last row of a cinema and I gasped when he reached for my breast. He wanted to go further, but I was too anxious and pushed him away. We might have continued as he was pretty persistent in his kissing and his groping, only the movie ended. I never met him again. 


First times anyone? ;)

Tingly, warm sensations

I was at the pharmacy the other day to pick up some condoms before heading over to Mr. P’s place. The last time I was at his place, we were going at it but had to stop because he didn’t have condoms. So I wanted to be prepared this time, just in case. I picked up a colourful red box which said tingling, warm sensations, thinking that must feel very nice. How very creative of them to think up such condoms. I walked to the counter, paid for it and headed off.

At his place, after the 2nd glass of wine, we were all over each other and rushed to his room to finally have great, fantastic sex. He said he still didn’t have condoms and even in my horny state, I wondered how come I thought about it but he hadn’t. But no matter, luckily I was prepared, I thought. It was dark in his room and I had to scramble for the box in my purse. It was killing the moment a little. He had gotten up to search his underwear drawer to see if he had a spare packet he had forgotten about. Both of us scrambling in the dark and I was the first to find it. Giving a triumphant squeal, I peeled the box and waved the tiny packet in his face.

He took it from me, ripped it and said.. “What the fuck?”

“Why?” I asked.

Somehow, noticing the look on his face in the dark, I grabbed the packet from his hand and felt something soft and squishy in my hands. I said out loud.. “The condom melted.”

“Its lube, idiot!”

How in the world had I gotten mixed up with lube and condoms? I blame the packaging. They looked exactly the same.

Mr. P was sweet about it though. Teased me about it the next morning when in the bright, still in bed, I picked up the box and read the label where it was unmistakably stated.. tingling, warm sensation lubricant.

I turned and looked at him, purple in the face. He laughed and hugged me saying, "Don’t worry, we’ll find some use for that too.”

I shut my eyes, pretending not to hear, snuggled up closer to him smiling.

Beers and mojito

R, a close male friend of mine of many years sent me a text around 11pm yesterday asking me what I was doing. My friendship with R is pretty strange. Mostly, he's someone I can talk to, share things with, get a guy's input on matters which are beyond my female comprehension. I wanted to maintain things to be platonic, but since I've already established I'm bad at that, we've crossed that line (kissing only though) once or twice, okay, maybe three times, all thanks to him and alcohol. Things get weird for a while, then we pick up and pretend it never happened and all is good. Plus, he has a girlfriend. But their relationship is even weirder, I'm not going to get into that today. Not enough time..I'm at the airport - I've got fifteen minutes to try trash this out.

Anyway, after he sent me the text, I called him cause I wanted to ask him what he thought about my on again, off again, on again relationship with Mr. P.

R knows that I suck at the whole friend's with benefits deal and was skeptical when I mentioned I was giving it a shot with Mr. P. But he listened anyway. So I told him about how I overdosed with Mr P two weeks ago, and how he asked me to meet his friends and I did. And how we took his dog out for walks at night holding hands and stopping to kiss at corners. How we just sat and talked in the German bar, me sipping a mojito and him having beer.

As I was telling him all this, I knew at the back of my head what R was going to say already. And he did.. "get out while you still have your heart intact".

But, that's the thing, I said. I don't really have to worry about my heart. After all that two weeks ago, I haven't heard from him since. His dissapearing acts are exactly whats keep me from falling for this guy. So maybe, maybe this could actually work?

R's response.."you're so fucking delusional!"

Who am I kidding

I’ve never been able to handle a no strings attached relationship. Friend with benefits, fuck buddies, whatever, I’ve tried them but my emotions get in the way. Almost always. Even when I try to keep it casual, if there’s sex, and if it’s just sex, I just can’t handle it.

The other things I’ve not been able to handle is strictly platonic relationship with guys that I’m really close with or end up getting close to. I’m not talking casual friends you hang out having a beer with once week. I’m talking about the guy that at some point in your life you start depending on for boy advise, for a shoulder to cry on or for getting you home safe after a night of drunken clubbing. He is not your boyfriend (for whatever reasons), but the one you’d call if you got into any car trouble or any trouble at all really.

So, despite knowing all this, I find myself trying to manage a no strings attached, friend with benefit, fuck buddy kinda relationship with Mr. P…..

and against my better judgment, I’ve recently rekindled a kind of tentative friendship with Mr Stupid, someone I’ve failed appallingly at maintaining a strictly platonic relationship with so many, many times before.

Ah well.

Holiday Sex

A, my ex, before we started our relationship, invited me for a holiday with him to Europe. We were chatting online, and he casually mentioned it. He did not really come right out and ask me. More like 'If I asked you to come here for a holiday.. would you?'. He was in Dusseldorf, I was in KL. Me thinking, he was not serious, said 'yeah, sounds like fun' (insert smiley). But he was serious. And I went. At that point, I did not go expecting to begin a relationship with him. I just wanted to get some action going and of course doing that in Europe didn't hurt. I'd not been with someone for a while and I knew with him, the sex was great, so I thought why the hell not. As it turned out, the sex was great and we ended well wanting to marry each other. Wanting of course. It didn't happen. Obviously. Long distance is bloody stupid. Why I decided to go ahead and be stupid is a story for another day.

But yes. It all started with an invitation for me to go on a holiday with him.

Recently, one of my closest friends Miss X, who is so totally into this guy whom she very recently got to know was put on a spot when he asked her if she would go on a holiday with him. She really likes the guy, so she obviously said yes. But she wasn't sure if by saying yes he automatically assumes they were going to sleep with each other.

When A asked me, I knew I was going to most definitely sleep with him. I'd slept with him before. I knew the sex was gonna be great. But Ms X, as much as she likes him, she's just getting know him, and is not sure if she's ready to jump that far. Yet.

So, being who she is, she set him straight about the sex bit (or at least tried to..)

Ms X: Can I ask you something about our holiday?
Him: What is it?
Ms X: If I go with you, would you be expecting me to sleep with you?
Him: Why would you ask that?
Ms X: I'd like to know
(Giving the obvious answer..)
Him: Of course not!
Ms X: But of course you're going to say that. Would it be a problem with you if we didn't have sex?
Him: Why are you asking these questions? Are you saying you won't go on this holiday with me if that's what I was expecting?
Ms X: I just don't want to lead you on..
Him: So are you saying yes to the holiday, but with a clause?
Ms X: Ha ha. Yea. Something like that.

Anyway, all that talk with her has led me to wonder if an invitation for a holiday is code for an invitation for sex. Is it a given?

One night stands

Who's to say a woman can't enjoy a one night stand.

I'm still a little heady from the rush of my little encounter two nights ago. It was unexpected which added to the excitement. Plus, he was cute.

After my last few emotional disasters in the bedroom this past year, what happened two nights ago was extremely liberating. No emotional attachment. No expectations. And well some real carnal action. We were both a little drunk and the location required us to perform some acrobatic stunts, but it was more the novelty of getting some action than actually getting any REAL action that kept us going at it. It was funny at parts, and now when I think about it way reckless.

But mostly it was just fun.

Till I woke up the next day late for a meeting.

But for now, I'm one very naughtily satisfied woman.