Old. But oh so not wise...

I turn thirty-one tomorrow. *Gasp* *Groan*

Having touched the Big three-O last year and having thrown a big, huge party for that one, this year, in contrast, is going to be pretty low key.

A quick stock take:

On relationships...

...No husband in the horizon. But fuck that. I can't seem to meet anyone interesting enough to get me even remotely excited to meet on a second date. Why is that I wonder. Either I'm being very picky. Or I'm emotionally unavailable. Or there just aren't any decent men (qualification: within proximity) out there anymore. Or they are married. Gay. Yes, yes, the same old cliche.

...Apparently, I can handle a fuck-buddy relationship. I met Mr.P last weekend for a booty call of sorts. It has been a (long) while. I was horny. He was available. We met on the pretext of catching the World Cup at a bar. Adjourned to my place for the next game, which of course we ended up not really watching. All I can say is, the sex was incredible. I was left sated, satisfied and with absolutely no intention of calling him or expectation of him calling me after.

...4 years ago, I thought I was ready to settle down with my now ex, A. Then came Mr. Stupid. Who pretty much turned my world upside down. And based on recent developments, I have strong suspicion he may not be dating Ms Gab-A-Lot anymore. Which has, of course, made me indulge in some very stupid wishful thinking on my part. Anyway, moving on..

On life in general...

...I'm in a good place career wise. In fact, I start my new job next week. It is going to be challenging and pretty different from what I'm used to, but it's going to be a good challenge I believe. I've done good here.

...I am not spending enough time with family, especially my parents and I should. No one is getting any younger.

...friends are great, as always. Not sure what I'd do without them. Love you guys.

...blogging has given me a kind of escape which is very gratifying. I always feel a little lighter after I've spilled out whatever is on my mind into words. And reading other bloggers going through similar issues, though worlds apart, literally, sort of makes me feel better too.

What I need to do more of...

...exercise.

...make time for holidays.

...oh and have more incredible, satisfying sex hopefully ;)

So yeah, happy birthday to me. Woo hoo.

Should a guy pay...

...on a first date?

I’ve been asking myself this since I went on a date with another guy from Match.com. I really liked his profile and he had a nice smile (yes, yes I'm a sucker for a cute smile). I’ll call him… Mr. Maybe.

When we exchanged numbers, he called almost immediately. The first time we spoke for about 15 minutes. The next day he called again and we spoke for an hour and half – which was not usual for me. But he was able to converse on a variety of subjects, he was funny and he kinda 'got' me. I was pleasantly surprised. He didn’t ask me out right away which was good – not desperate I thought. And when he did finally ask me out 2 days later, it was very casual and I agreed immediately.

The date itself wasn’t too bad... so much as first dates go. The chemistry wasn’t fantastic but it was enjoyable in a light-hearted kind of way.

He was 25 minutes late, but very apologetic about it. Apparently he had to work at the last minute. There was a que at the restaurant we went to and the only available section was the smoking side so we sat there, next to the bar. He lit a cigarette as soon as we sat but not before asking ‘do you mind’? I didn’t know how to say ‘yes, I do mind’ so instead I smiled and shook my head.

We ordered drinks. And chatted a bit about our travelling adventures. Well, his travelling adventures mostly. He asked me if I’d been to the US…I said no. He then ventured to tell me what a great place it was and gave me a very detailed account of one of his camping trips where he’d almost encountered a bear. The bear story continued for quite a bit, but it was alright..like I said, he was amusing enough. But I couldn’t help thinking that perhaps if he stopped talking for a bit and asked a little more questions, he’d find that I’ve been to some pretty cool places too. Only he didn’t.

We talked some more trivial stuff. Ordered our food. Exchanged jokes. Drank some more. It was 10.30pm, about 2 and a half hours into our date when my phone buzzed. I was supposed to meet some friends for drinks after. I was told that if the date went well, I should bring him along. After a tiny mental battle whether I should or should not, I decided to ask him. I wasn’t having too bad a date and it might be a good time to see if he was cool to hang out with at a club. But he said he couldn’t - apparently needing to take his parents to church early the next morning. I teased him about being a mummy’s boy. He laughed it off saying no, he isn’t... normally.

Then the weirdest thing happened. The bill came. Out of habit, I pulled my wallet out and took out a couple of notes. Usually (in fact, on all of my previous first dates) what happens next is the guy will tell me to put my wallet away and pay. And I allow it because really, as strange is this sounds, I like it when a man takes charge at the end of a date by footing the bill. It isn’t about the money. It is about being a gentleman… and knowing how to treat a lady. Same as opening the door for her or pulling out the chair for her. And no, I don’t expect the guy to foot all the bills for all our dates.. just the first ones, especially when it is the guy who asks me out. If ever we did go out on a second date, I’d insist on paying. If he didn’t let me, then there are things to consider like perhaps he's a chauvinist, which is a whole other can of worms and a topic for another day.

Anyway, what happened here, is that when I took my wallet out, he took the money I offered, added a couple of notes of his own to it and paid the waiter. When the change came, we split the change in half. I was left thinking, that maybe this wasn’t a romantic date after all.. perhaps he just wants to be friends?

After that he walked me to my car. When we reached the car, he turned to me, looked me in the eye, leaned forward and gave me a hug which lingered slightly longer than a 'just friends' hug should. Then he said that he would really, really like to see me again. Hmmm. Definitely more than friends vibe now. It was pretty confusing.

When I reached the club, I threw the question to all the guys who were at my table.. ‘when you take a girl out on a first date.. do you pay for the date?’. Every one of them gave a very emphatic and resounding ‘YES!’.

So, here are my musings...

Should the guy foot the bill on first dates?

And the big question - should I give Mr. Maybe another chance? (He's asked me out already... I'm stalling)

And the men get bitchy...

I have been ignoring calls and texts from Mr. Cricket and Mr.Texter, both of whom I met on Match.com.

Cricket
Cricket and I went on one date which lasted over one margarita before I excused myself to go home to have dinner… alone. He wanted to meet me the next day but I told him I couldn’t.. making up a really far fetched excuse about having to bathe my aunts dogs. He messaged me the following day ‘So, forgotten about me already? ;)’. I didn’t reply. And I never realised how lame and needy that line sounded, even as a joke - I've used it before on Mr.P, when I hadn't heard from him as soon as I wanted..and this after sleeping with him. Damnit.

Anyway, Cricket called me that night… I just didn’t feel like answering and I didn't. Two days later he messaged asking if something was wrong. I guess I could have told him I wasn’t interested (though I felt I’d given him enough hints.. I mean seriously how thick can you be?). But I wasn’t in the mood to go into discussions of 'whys' and 'why nots', so I told him ‘I’m kinda going through some personal stuff right now. Can’t deal with anything else. I’ll call you.’ Which wasn’t exactly a lie. I had an uncle in the hospital and I was busy chauffeuring my aunts and relatives around. But mostly I was putting off dealing with him, hoping that he’d get it finally when I don’t call him again...ever.

Texter
Texter and I never even got to our first date because his messages were so random and weird and difficult to understand that I just stopped replying. His last message to me despite the fact that I’d ignored 5 of his previous texts… ‘gd mrng gorgeous. hp u hv a wonderful dy..otw 2 wrk?’. I wasn’t even out of bed yet when my phone beeped with this message. It annoyed the hell out of me. I have no clue what runs through someone's mind when they send texts like these..

Anyway, thanks to these two, I hadn’t logged on to Match for a while.. until last weekend.

Apparently, my sessions on Match have been tracked. Both Cricket and Texter who remained mostly silent as long as I wasn’t logged on to Match, once they realized I was still on it, responded in ways I never thought men ever would…

The first was an email from Cricket…

“Guess I won't be hearing from you again. I had already expected it but it would have been nice if you had at least been honest with me.”

Huh???

Dude, we’ve only been on one date…what’s with the drama?

And then, as I was still trying to wrap my head around that email…I realised Texter had deleted me from his Facebook account.


Well, I guess I deserved that.